I once heard a preacher say that humility is the one virtue that if you think you have it, you don’t. This is mistaken—as you’ll see in a moment—but there’s another downside. The view is also disheartening since any virtue—including humility—is something meant to be enjoyed in the present by the person who practices it.

Paul tells us that godliness holds value for us in this life, not just the next (1 Tim. 4:8). Holiness brings temporal benefit, not just eternal advantage. Simply put, virtue is appropriately self-satisfying. When we do good things, we feel good having done them. Goodness precedes—and eventually leads to—happiness. If the preacher were right, though, we’d never be able to enjoy the virtue of humility, since the moment we began feeling pleased with our own rectitude, we’d nullify the goodness of it. That’s odd.

There’s also a textual concern. Jesus said he was “gentle and humble in heart” (Matt. 11:29). Paul told the Ephesian elders that while he was among them, he’d served the Lord “with all humility” (Acts 20:19). Both Jesus and Paul drew attention to their humility, yet on the view of this preacher, their self-assessments would have been inaccurate. Odd again.

Here’s the problem. The pastor’s comment was based on a common misunderstanding—that true humility entails self-denigration. Obviously, neither Jesus nor Paul denigrated himself, yet by their own admission they were humble. Paul didn’t say he was a bad apostle. Rather, he said to imitate him as he imitated Christ (1 Cor. 11:1). Self-abasement is false humility. What, then, is true humility?

Like many virtues, humility is not defined in the Bible. Rather, it’s described. Paul tells the Philippians, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3). He then cites the incarnation as the supreme example of humility. The Word came down. Jesus, the suffering servant, got low, even to death.

Biblical humility, then—and pride, conversely—describe where you actively place yourself in relation to others. Humble people are “lowly.” Prideful people are puffed “up.” Humble people get low and off-center. Prideful people do the opposite. This higher/lower relationship is key to understanding biblical humility.

Here’s the simple guideline: To develop humility, don’t put yourself up relative to others, and don’t put others down relative to you. Instead, do the opposite. Build others up “above” you, and you’ll automatically be taking the lower station below them. Instead of taking the seat at the head of the table, Jesus said, take the seat at the foot of the table (Luke 14:8–11). Get low. Get off-center. That’s humility.

The ways that pride lifts its ugly head in our lives are legion. Some are obvious. Bragging or otherwise exalting ourselves, especially at another’s expense; placing our own needs first; putting others down through habitual condescension, criticism, or judgment; name dropping; interrupting frequently; displaying airs of self-importance; constantly insisting on the last word in a dispute—these are almost always efforts that put others down and push us up.

Sometimes, though, symptoms of pride are so subtle they slip by us if we’re not watchful. Unwillingness to be corrected, to admit we’re wrong, to apologize, or to forgive are all refusals to take the lower station. Whenever we’re slighted or snubbed—or others are lifted up at our expense—our pride fights back to get us on top again.

In each case above, humility does the opposite. Humble people don’t put themselves at the center of the world; they defer to others. They lack pretension and brag on others, not on themselves. They’re teachable, willing to take advice and receive correction without resistance or defensiveness. When they’re mistaken, they admit it. When they’re wronged, they forgive. When they wrong others, they apologize, regardless of how others have wronged them. Prayer is an act of humility, as is praise—each is an expression of our lower station before God.

Jesus was our supreme example of humility. He got low. He got off-center. As the humble servant to mankind, he focused on the needs of others first, ultimately dying the death of a common criminal on our behalf. Follow Jesus’ example. Don’t get high. Don’t put yourself in the center. Instead, put others there. Get low and off-center. Then someday you may be able to say, “I served you with all humility.”